Problematic Personalities

I have decided to write a new blog into this echo chamber because WordPress charged me for the year.

The first subject is quite hard to describe. I would term it “People thinking they are mental”.

Not necessarily in a clinical sense. I mean in the sense of rugby player initiation type stuff where people drink a pint of sick and acquire legendary status.

A personal example of this would be years ago when I was in the city centre with a good friend.

We were walking along content in deafening silence. There were two younger lads ahead of us who picked up traffic cones.

Then they did the unthinkable and put them on their heads. This is fine. If that’s what you want to do and then absolutely piss yourselves the next day about how mental and wasted you were, fucking crack on ladz.

The major problem here was that they turned around to us giddy with excitement and expected us to find it ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. When they were met with complete silence and bafflement, they told us to “cheer up” because we didn’t find their stunt funny.

As a 19 year old I went to Amsterdam on a stag. I was the youngest by a distance. Rest assured the majority of the lads were absolutely mental.

One of them stripped off and jumped in the canal. Obviously this drew great laughter and legendary status, along with aids and a few mouthfuls of semen from the drains of the red light district.

I can kind of forgive the cone head lads. I would hope they have grown out of their David Brent days.

Unfortunately the problem is that I still see this shit going on to this very day. Off people who should know better.

Did you see Francis last night? He jumped off the second floor balcony and broke his neck. What a legend.

Sometimes it is amusing. But generally, I am a boring nihilist cunt and there is no way I am going to boost the fragile self esteem of David Brentism by laughing.

It makes me feel fucking ill. 

I came across the term Cringe Attack a while back and thought it was a great way to describe how I react to stuff I have personally done in the past.  “physical reaction to an unpleasant memory, particularly something that made you feel awkward or embarrassed in the past.”

However, I did not sign up to take the brunt of other people’s actions through second hand embarrassment.

Even when someone shows me a written joke or meme in person it is a distressing event. 

My heart immediately sinks. I start sweating and then I start worrying about how the hell I am going to fake a laugh.

All this immediately makes me hyper aware of every muscle in my face. My already expressionless face seizes up and I am left standing there like a mannequin doll with a bright red face.

The best hope in these situations is that there is something within the joke that I can immediately change the subject to.

Even if the joke is good and I find it amusing I am still paralyzed in this state like a quivering stunned wreck. 

Avoidance of human interaction at times is the only way, and usually I mitigate this by not leaving the house.

A problematic personality I recently encountered was Bryan Johnson.

This individual is an apparent Bio hacker. He is 45 years of age and has reversed his metabolic age to that of an 18 year old. 

The first problem I had was that he looks significantly older than a 45 year old.

He eats 2,250 calories a day, all by 11:00am. He consumes 110 pills a day as supplements.

The food he eats is tragically unappetising and he no longer consumes alcohol which compounds the misery further. 

He has apparently transfused the plasma of his son’s blood to aid in his pursuit of being a functional corpse while reaching an unprecedented age.

He is in bed or asleep by 20:30 every single day. I can actually subscribe to this, I do it a lot because I can’t be bothered being awake.

All this has led to the assumption that he can live to age 200 on current metrics. This stuff absolutely baffles me.

Why would anyone want to live so long as a frail corpse is beyond my understanding. I’ll be pretty pissed off if I reach 60.

He seems like a nice enough guy and is harmless, but I can’t help thinking how ironic it will be if he gets hit by a bus one day after all this effort.

A problematic personality is especially easy to find in virtually every contestant of Love Island.

For some unknown reason I have started watching this again. I don’t know why. I think it is self harm. 

All of these people seem to be virtually the same. It’s like they have been cloned on some sort of farm.

These are usually the same people who refer to themselves as Alpha Males or Ronaldo fans. 

The alpha male concept has been debunked and denounced by the bloke who first came up with the concept yet still this shit is going on.

These people are the gatekeepers of “Banter”. Banter is probably in the top five words that give me a visceral, violent reaction when I hear it.

The term seems to excuse a lot of shitty behaviour. It was just banter mate. From my experience banter is generally used as a mask for people making snide comments and just generally being a cunt.

I don’t even blame these people for going onto the show. If there’s a market and someone’s willing to pay you shitloads for absolutely zero effort then why not. The world is fucked.

I’m pretty sure a few of the personalities I’ve mentioned would be the type of people who like Piers Morgan or say stuff like “Yeah, but he says what everyone’s thinking”.

How have people STILL not realised whatever he says is purely so people will say that, or some other shit like he’s holding the government to account. In truth he is just an irrelevant fat cunt on a shit TV show shouting at a fellow incompetent cunt. 

The guy is a fucking populist. Whatever opinion he comes out with is dependent on what attention he can get, to side with his fake celebrity mates or to deliberately go against the high profile people that can’t stand him.

Piers’ Flow Chart goes something like this: 

Something happens > (1) Check if his fake celebrity mates have an opinion > (2) Check if his celebrity haters have an opinion > (3) Ascertain the most popular edgy opinion.

He was good as the pigeon lady in home alone though.

The final problematic personality is of a man I kind of know I will call Alfred. I can’t be too specific in case someone actually reads this.

The story involves Alfred and a woman I will name Hayley. I believe they are both approaching 70.

On the day of the funeral of Alfred’s wife, he tells Hayley that he has feelings for her completely out of the blue. 

Hayley is a really nice woman and is horrified, but is very meek and naive. She initially rebuffs his approach.

At a future date Alfred persists with his pursuit and eventually a kiss happens. 

This isn’t enough for Alfred and eventually he wants to take their relationship to the next level.

There have been multiple reports of Alfred’s creepy behaviour. Indeed, I have personally been a witness.

Hayley eventually succumbs to the ferocious advances of the sexually frustrated Alfred. 

Hayley is extremely naive with these sorts of things and I am convinced Alfred has been enacting his sordid teenage fantasies on her to this day. 

They are still going strong.

I‘ve got my eye on you Alfred.

It’s probably relevant to say that I am also a problematic personality. I am a quivering wreck who lives in an existential vacuum. I am aware though.

Self awareness is the most scarce resource on earth.

The end.